Knee-Deep

I'm mid-way through...just about everything.
One might say, I'm knee deep. In what?

This may not be mud...

I'm not sure yet.  ...but  I'm knee-deep in it.
Mid-week, Mid-program, and a hopeful mid-level of understanding in what I'm doing at the Iron Yard.

Mid-Lecture at the Iron Yard
We're half-way through the lectures portion for the Iron Yard. Out of the 12 weeks the program takes (or in our case, 14, due to Holidays), there are only 10 weeks that have a lecture. The last few weeks are designed as time to work on the final project we develop.

So How do I feel?

It's honestly one the weirdest feelings.
I feel incredibly empowered by the things I'm learning, how I'm learning, the level I'm applying myself, the fact that I've found something I'm this excited about...but I also feel completely bewildered by moments of fear that I have no idea what I'm really doing, or moments of being completely lost.
I'm told those moments will be less and less as time goes by and there will be definite moments of, "Oh, hey! I got this!" (Some of which I've already experienced!)

There's also the feeling that I wish I could be doing more. Between working, the whole 'mold' situation that occurred, the consequent moving, and various other issues, I just want more time to be able to get into this stuff! I want to bust out of this program beast-moding things as best I can, but I keep running into time-issues. ...then again, my time-line for things has been weird since the start.

Time Log for the program so far:

Week 1: Iron Yard - 34 hours, HopCat - 30 hours. TOTAL - 64 hours
Week 2: Iron Yard - 38 hours, HopCat - 18.5 hours. TOTAL - 56.5 hours
Week 3: Iron Yard - 34 hours, HopCat - 24 hours. TOTAL - 58 hours (-1 day of class due to mold)
Week 4: Iron Yard - 48 hours, HopCat - 28 hours. TOTAL - 76 hours

Running total: Iron Yard - 154 hours
HopCat - 100.5 hours

 The time for Iron Yard is deceiving still, as there were a number of days that I had to leave class early to get to work on time, and I know there are a few days I worked on things at home and forgot to "clock in" to track my time. ...but this gives those of you wondering where I've gone some sort of idea as to why I seem so busy. Week 4 was an accurate depiction of how the weeks should have been, time-wise, without the extraneous things like a moldy apartment happening.

Coursework

Currently, we're getting into Active Record, Validations, and Associations, while setting them to link with the web pages we created (my Kittens and Bacon page). However, I'm struggling with getting the damn webpage to properly function in a dynamic setting, updating itself with the posts requested to be shown, and I'm currently being left with a feeling that I'm horribly behind, and I have no idea what's going on. (There's the theme in the way I've been feeling in my coursework this week!)

I'm frustrated that I know the components, I know the basics of ruby well, I feel, and I know the theory behind how things are supposed to fit together. When I stop, and ask myself "What am I trying to accomplish" or "What needs to be done here", I can answer it easily. ...but when I go to type in the code to get that done...I'm about as useful as a pedal-powered wheel chair.

Grandpa's going nowhere, fast...in style.

My work for the next few days will be to properly utilize these concepts and get this crap working. (dammit!)

What keeps me going

As I'm hitting a 'half-way' of sorts, its nice to remind myself of what keeps me going, what keeps me motivated, and a reminder of why I'm here.

Well, first, there's my own personal goals, which I took the time to write out and think about during our class chat with John Saddington.

Then there's, I think the experiences that I'm going through and the things I'm learning about myself, ore than anything is what keeps me going. I've had to take a hard look at myself in terms of how I learn, why I learn, what I want out of life, and begin to solidify my beliefs in these things. I suppose one could argue that this is what 'the college experience' is supposed to be for. ...I'd argue you're an idiot if that's the case. Here's why: you go to college at 18. For the average American student, you have no idea what the world is like at 18. (#sorrynotsorry)

The blog is also helping. A lot.
I've already fallen into something Saddington talked about - I wish I had started blogging sooner, and I wish I had kept up with my blogging in earlier attempts.

Keeping in mind the people who inspire me. Whether they be people I know, or people like Saddington, who I aspire to be like.

My brother, who always seems to get things done, has his life together, and has always been my best friend.
My mom, God bless her, who has put up with my shit for almost 26 years now.
And a friend of mine who also blogs, about her own things, in a far off land. She has played a role in my inspiration for years now (whether she's aware of it or not). Pushing to be the best version of yourself you can be is something she embodies and brings out in those she interacts with. Its what makes her such an infectious person, and one of the reasons I continue to push to be my best.

And, speeches like the one Denzel Washington gives on falling forward. 

(take a moment to watch/listen if you haven't)

But it doesn't matter what keeps me motivated. 

What matters is that I keep. 

moving. 

forward.
And I plan on doing that. 

For those of you familiar with Fables, by Bill Willingham:

In so many ways, I find I'm akin to the character Prince Charming.

(In character, not in looks - before you say anything.) 

(And if you haven't read any Fables. Do so. Now.) 

...when I get myself set on something, I'm consumed by it until it's mine.

I'm consumed by learning this.